My College Farewell

It’s a bittersweet symphony. That’s life.

I’ve had the majority of this written for a while now. The tab has been open on my laptop for almost two months. Yet, whenever I try to add the finishing touches, I hesitate. Some call it lazy, others call it avoidance. I’d agree with both.

The fact of the matter is, the minute I publish this article, that’s it. College is but a memory, a reflection, a great story. I refuse to let it slip away, because who would want to just up and move on from the best years of their life?

Right now, it seems just like any other college summer break. Working my ass off to find a job, running to the beach as often as possible (shoutout Rye Beach), and heading into New York City on the weekends are my summer staples. And every year, the summer comes to a close when I pack up everything I’ve ever owned and make the four hour journey back to Ithaca. I guess I am just trying to pretend that the Ithaca journey is going to happen again this summer, come August. But it’s not.

All my life, everything has revolved around school. I woke up every morning to the sound of a blaring alarm, so that I could make it to school. I spent hours on end doing homework and memorizing facts, so that I could succeed in school. I crammed my schedule with clubs and extracurriculars, so that I could eventually move on to a bigger, better school. It’s always been my thing — I’m the girl that’s good at school, the girl who got into a top college, and now I’m just scared as hell. What will my life be without this constancy? And what if I don’t like it?

At the very end of my college experience, these were the thoughts that filled my head when I couldn’t sleep at night. The thoughts I had when I walked out of Mann Library for the very last time as a student. When I enjoyed my final swim at First Dam, tasted my last sip of the rosé at Catherine Valley winery, or ate one more Collegetown Bagel for the road (California sunrise on a rosemary salt bagel — trust me).

These are all such good things, and it can be heartbreaking to let go of a good thing. I find myself feeling jealous of my junior friends who get to stay, or of the freshmen who don’t even know how many memories lie ahead of them. That being said, I wouldn’t do anything differently, as corny as it sounds.

Cornell allowed me to truly come out of my shell for the first time in my life. I made amazing friends who know me better than I know myself. I experienced what it is like to have a real, meaningful relationship. I continued to dance and loved it, through every long rehearsal and every blister. I worked my ass off and maintained a nearly perfect GPA (subtle flex, sorry). I went on outdoor adventures, watched countless slope sunsets, tried just about every worthwhile restaurant on the Ithaca commons, and really just lived.

I graduated on May 29th, 2021. My graduation look was what I’d call “typical college sorority girl questioning the meaning of life”— fancy white dress and heels, stole and colorful tassels, overpriced hair appointment, the whole shabang. Everyone is congratulating me on this momentous occasion but, if I’m being honest, I don’t feel too excited. I always thought that when I came to this moment I’d have a moment of clarity, when I realize that it is my time to move forward onto new and exciting things. But I don’t want to say goodbye, I don’t want change, and I don’t want to move forward. At least not without something concrete to move towards.

I don’t know if it has truly hit me yet how much my life is about to change. So, I’m left feeling scared. I’m scared that when it does hit me at the end of this summer, I won’t know how to handle the overwhelming change. I’m scared that the memories I call to mind as I walk through campus will eventually fade. And I’m especially scared to face all the goodbyes that accompany this change.

But, all fears aside, change is inevitable. I’ve said this many times throughout my writing, but I’ll say it again. Sometimes good things need to fall apart to make room for even better things (as was said in my favorite show, How I Met Your Mother). This is difficult to accept and understand, but it couldn’t be more true.

The scary part is that right now, what lies ahead is completely unknown to me. But that might also be the exciting part. Maybe I’ll end up in the job of my dreams. Maybe I’ll finish what I started during COVID and embark on another abroad adventure. Maybe I’ll attend 200 concerts. I might not realize it now, but life has so many awesome things in store for me. There are infinite places I could go from here, so it’s really just the beginning. Corny again, I know.

My mom sent me a song recently that reminded her of me. The lyrics read “life’s what you make it… it’s yours for the taking.” School may have defined my life up until this point, but now the world is wide open. I have the power to make my years count, and I plan to do just that.

One final shoutout to everyone who made Cornell the college experience of my dreams. I mean, wow. I am just the luckiest girl to have lived those four years in the way that I did. Love you all, even more than I love Mac’s flatbreads.

Here goes nothing.